I have been thinking about people who make a difference in our community.  The people who actually make a difference are sometimes invisible to the rest of us.  They bake the pies, attend the functions, serve the coffee and generally make the city better.  The people who make a difference care about others as well as have a larger picture of community well-being. Today I read about a group of moms and dads who decided that they want a better playground for their children so are quietly going about raising the money themselves for the equipment. They are making a difference.

This morning when I went for my walk, I saw a woman walking ahead of me who was picking up the garbage, used masks, cigarette packages, fast food containers and so on…and yes she was wearing gloves and a mask.

When I spoke to her, she said she was out for a walk anyway and so she might as well pick up garbage on her journey.  She will not be bragging about her accomplishments on Facebook nor is she going to win an award for being a good citizen.  But she makes our little city better because she lives here. Who knew that picking up garbage would be seen as in incredible act of courage…thanks Covid.  What I noticed about her was that her expectation for gratitude or acknowledgement were nonexistent.

We all know the people who feather their own nests with accolades and awards. If they do something kind there is most always recognition in it for them so that they can prove their self-worth. When they give something the price tag that comes with their generosity is acknowledgment of their gift.  In my mind we need those people too because sometimes they bring awareness to important causes. Not all giving people are selfless and that is ok too.  We all have something to contribute to the fabric of society.

I have a tendency to connect with the invisible people a because frankly I am not intimidated by their glory.  When I see them doing small things or kind actions,  I think that I too can make a difference.  

I especially respect all the moms and dads who coach little kids, dance, gymnastics, hockey, soccer and so on. They all know that most of those kids will not make it as professionals but they might end up with a life long love of an activity and sport. 

I remember the coach who was not my grandson’s first year soccer coach and when my grandson told him he needed a hug he gave him one.  When that same little guy told his own coach that he needed to sit with me  for a tea break for a few minutes instead of going on the field that was ok too.  The coach did look a little surprised that a 4 year old needed a tea break.

These men and women who are not trained as teachers teach humanity and kindness.  If you have never been to a 4 year old’s soccer or hockey game, please go because it is wonderful to watch the coaches.  The children are so honest and sincere in their efforts and funny to watch too. 

In our community we have a number of committees in which the participants get no recognition and are often championing a challenging cause.  I am on one such committee and one of the committee members is a true community citizen.  When this person says they will do something, they do it simply, quietly and efficiently.  This person is on several committees, including sports and arts communities.  We need more people like that. But again the person has no expectation for awards or recognition and they are ultimately humble and very approachable.

We have people in each of our communities that keep it running and a great place to live.  Last week I spoke with a client about the role that her next-door neighbour plays in her small children’s lives and what a role model she is for the parents as well. Apparently she makes a great apple crisp too. We need people like that.  People who shovel the sidewalk in front of someone else’s house.  They will not win awards or have books written about them (or write their own books about their contributions) but they make a difference.

OBITUARY Readers 

I am an obituary reader. Two obituaries stand out in my mind because they were in such contrast.  The first was written by the woman who wrote her own obituary.   She included every committee she had ever been on, and noted the many contributions she made to her workplace, she listed her promotions and her donations to charity. She did not write of her good friends or even her family.   I felt so sorry for her and hoped my own life does not end with a list of job descriptions or accomplishments.

The second obituary was written about an old woman by the people who knew  and liked her best.  Along with the usual obituary information about who survived her and who had predeceased her was this sentence:

“Mom really loved her chickens”.

Boy oh boy, there is a lot in that sentence.  Did she really love chickens or is this a metaphor for all the people she collected around her over the years.  It also tells me that this woman had passion and interests outside of herself.  I suspect that the writers of the obituary knew that their mother had a terrific sense of humour and a whole bushel of kindness along with community spirit.  Those are a lot of assumptions for me to make but I am generally a pretty good guesser and at the end of the obituary I was sorry I had not known this woman. 

What clients teach me

What does all of this have to do with what clients teach me?  What they have taught me is about humanity and humility.  They have taught me that that people with strong emotional and social networks get better.  People who contribute to community, feel needed and valued and therefore have better mental health.

I have also learned that we need a diverse and rich character in our community for it to be healthy.  We need the guy who rides around on his bike to pick up bottles from ditches, we also need the people who walk to the grocery stores from their homes because they don’t have a car, we also need the rich people who spend their money on large homes and expensive clothing.  We also need the rest of us in the middle who sometimes are altruistic and but still struggle at other times when our own resources (either spiritual, energy, or financial) are low. 

Someday I am going to make a list, at least in my mind, of people who make this a better place to live as well make being a good citizen seem possible.  So in order to help your own mental health while noticing what needs to be done here are a few guidelines

Noticing

Look for those invisible people and see how in their own quiet way they make a difference to the quality of life. Its small things that we can all do rather than the big things that might garner recognition.  Every non profit has a board, many need volunteers. And we all need people who both notice us and care for us.  It is not all up to the professionals. Sometimes you know you have been with a person who understands humanity and does good because you just feel better after being in their presence. Notice that feeling because it is telling you something.

The paradox of giving:

 The great paradox of giving is that the more you give the more you gain. The more you help others, the more you will be helped. The more energy you put into lifting others, the more you will be lifted up. The more love you give away, the more love you will receive. You cannot give without getting even more in return. The caveat here is if you start to feel resentful about giving  your time or energy, take a break from it.  You still need to take care of self , resentment, expectation of acknowledgement or judgement are often the first sign of  giving burnout.

 Rewards of Making a Difference

It doesn’t seem to make sense because if you spend the same amount of time doing just about anything else, you can’t produce the same result. It is like a special reward you can only get when doing good for others.

Let me give you a small personal example of a small way that I can give back. I had a student this winter and she asked on Facebook for small 2.5x3.5 pictures that represented something for an art collage she is producing.  The response was tremendous and at first I thought… ‘Oh I am not an artist I can’t do this’ but then I knew that I must do this for her.

For the first time since elementary school I sat down to think about her and draw something for her.  What I produced was a very small picture of a book that is black and white with colourful flowers coming out and off of the book.  It took me 6-7 hours to make this drawing. First of all I had to learn to draw a book then to draw flowers (Thanks to You Tube). In the end my efforts are not up to professional art standards but for the first time in quite some time I felt joy and pride at my effort to give this wonderful young woman a gift that represented her joy, knowledge and passion.  

 The principle of giving:

 I am reminded of the teaching of Jesus when he said,

“For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life…shall find it.”

I read that passage to mean that whoever goes through life looking out for only themselves will find in the end that they have created no life at all. It will be full of possessions and yet be empty. They may have friends but no deep connections. They will always search for something new that gives them that good feeling, only to find that it wears so quickly. 

Those who spend their day looking for ways to serve others will find that they enjoy an abundant life. They may or may not have many possessions but either way, that will not define them. They are rewarded constantly by the feelings that always accompany doing good  

Serving others goes a long way to managing depression

There is an infinite number of ways to make a difference for somebody else and most of them are pretty small and require nothing more than your time. You would be amazed how much of a difference you can make by just smiling every time you talk to someone.

 What can you do today

Often when I am working with people who experience depression and or anxiety I invite them to go out each day and do something brave.  I am not asking them to jump out of an airplane but to say hello or smile at someone they don’t already know.  Going out for a walk around your block might be your brave thing today but tomorrow it might be going into the library to ask if they need volunteers.

If you really want to make an impact, go to the store and buy a bunch of blank “Thank You” cards that you can write in and give to people any time they do something nice for you. Even better, write a card to someone for no reason and tell them how much you appreciate them. You will seriously change somebody’s life.

 These are just some small examples. If you keep your eyes open, you will find ways to serve the people around you all day long. You don’t need to do something big but you do need to do something. For you, for them, for your own happiness.

 

Quotes about making a difference

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

“No work is insignificant. All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence.”

― Martin Luther King Jr.

“The purpose of life is to contribute in some way to making things better.”

― Robert F. Kennedy

“I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.”

― Edward Everett Hale

“One person can make a difference, and every person should try.”

― Thomas E. Cronin

“No one has ever become poor by giving.”

― Anne Frank

“It’s not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.”

― Mother Teresa

Thank you again for reading my blog.

Take Care

Deborah