This blog is about what clients have taught me and while this is about that, it is also about what I have learned from people whom I have let in to teach me.  Some of my professors come to mind but today’s post is about Jean who I asked to coach me as an Executive Director.   I have always told anyone who asked and many who did not, that all of us need supervision especially when you are counselling or leading other human beings.

When suddenly I found that I was ‘the boss‘, even though I wanted and had applied for the position, I felt a  rudderless.  I needed direction and guidance that could not come from within the agency.  Several people told me that I should have the same coach as many of the other non-profit leaders in my area.  Although I respected my colleagues/peers and the person that they used, I wanted to be private about who I used in this role.  I was not sure I could be as honest as I knew I needed to be with a local coach. I also wanted another woman who could guide me through my challenges in leadership. The internet led me to Jean and her fine coaching style.

Soon enough, my staff all knew that I was not to be disturbed from about 8:30-9:30 am each Monday morning.  So instead of Tuesday’s with Morrie I had Monday’s with Jean.  I loved it.  I  complained, strategized and possibly even grew a backbone. I made  decisions during that time that reflected my values and leadership style that was very different than the person who was the Executive Director before me.

Jean listened, asked me tough questions, gave me homework (which I almost never completed to my own satisfaction)  and did not ever once tell me what to do.  She drove me crazy.  In other words she treated me like a responsible adult…it was awe-full and awful at the same time.

I hope I do the same with my clients but know I do not.  I have a tendency to lecture and give information. I want so much to help and I know I do not always do that. I work on my flaws as a counsellor each time a client enters my space.  I evaluate my self after each session to check myself for ways to do differently and to respect each person in new ways.

Some of What I learned from Jean

• To be fully present with each person

• To not assume- this is not cookie cutter work and if I assume anything it is often incorrect.

• To check in with the client.

• To not rescue

• When I think I am listening- Listen more deeply

• Know I am working with competent adults who may have difficult life decisions to make .

• I am in a privileged position to honour stories.

• To stay curious about this other human being that I am sharing space with.

• Respect

• Stillness, silence and solidarity are part of counselling

• Sticky challenges- remind me to bring my body and my mind in sync. Often my somatic experiences are a bit ahead of where my brain is. Listen to my body too.

• Clarity is a good thing. Sit down every once in awhile and ask myself challenging questions.

• Listen to my own voice.

Thank you Jean