This is a long post. No apology because Trauma is an important topic

Trauma is everywhere. When we become aware to what trauma is, we begin to realize that what may be traumatic for one of us may not be traumatic for another.  We also begin to realize that trauma in one way or another is a common occurrence.  Some trauma affects our collective identity and changes the community itself.  Trauma takes naïve innocence away from us. We also begin to realize that the effects of a single traumatic event can affect us in many ways for a very long time.  What I learned this year is that people deal with trauma in countless ways and levels.

What I also learned over the last several years is that the effect of cumulative trauma can have a qualitative outcome on our identity that changes how we trust people and the world around us. Trauma steals security and trust from humans who experience it.     

When we lose someone or something we love, or a stressful event breaks apart our sense of security, we can begin to view our environment and those around us as dangerous. Even if a certain event doesn’t cause us any physical harm, being in a state of fear can still cause us to question our own security.

Before we get into the 5 steps of healing from emotional trauma, let’s take a quick look at common forms and symptoms that often accompany it.

Common types of emotional trauma:

• Sudden death

• Divorce or relationship breakup

• Change in health

• Losing a job

• Loss of financial stability

• Miscarriage or death of a child

• Loss of a cherished dream

• A loved one’s serious illness

• Loss of a friendship

• Loss of safety after a trauma

• Parental abuse or abandonment

• Trauma can also be a collective of smaller shocks to your system that build up over time.

In other words anything that shocks your systems is trauma.  By systems I mean the stuff that keeps us stable in our lives; family, friends, jobs, health, community, identity and so on.

As a result of emotional trauma, we begin to feel numb, disconnected and lose our trust in others. It can take a lot of time for this pain to go away, and for us to feel safe again. If the trauma we’ve experienced is psychological, we may suffer from troubling memories, anxiety and emotions and troubled relationships.  

Trauma causes a shock to our minds, bodies and souls, which can lead to emotional problems in the future. There are cognitive, behavioural, physical, and psychological reactions to emotional trauma.

Here are some of the most common emotional responses:

• Increased arousal

• Post traumatic stress disorder

• Avoidance of social settings, friends, loved ones

• Feelings of anger irritability, or becoming quickly reactive to triggers,

• Sense of guilt and shame

• Grief and depression

• Self-image and views of the world become more cynical

• Sexual relationships suffer

• Drug and alcohol abuse

The emotional responses listed above can make us feel as though we’re going crazy or “losing it”. Have you ever noticed that, following a traumatic event, your physical health begins to show symptoms?

Whether the trauma caused direct physical harm, or the heavy energy of pain and negative emotion wore you down, both circumstances are accompanied by deep emotional pain which can make you ill. Insomnia, nightmares, chronic fatigue, difficulty concentrating, panic attacks, edginess, agitation, muscle tension and a rapid heartbeat are all physical symptoms of emotional stress.

Untreated emotional trauma also has serious side effects.

If unaddressed and left untreated, emotional trauma can result in:

•    Self-destructive and impulsive   behaviours

•    Uncontrollable reactive thoughts

•    Feelings of shame, guilt, hopelessness, or despair

•    Loss of former belief systems

•    Compulsive behavioural problems

•    Substance use challenges

•    Sexual problems

•    Inability to maintain close relationships or maintain appropriate friendships

•    Hostility and argumentativeness

•    Introversion

•    Feelings of being threatened

When we experience emotional trauma, oftentimes, we’re told to focus on ourselves— but that can be much easier said than done. When it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, it’s challenging to even find the strength to lift your leg, and begin putting one foot in front of the other. In fact, finding strength to heal from emotional trauma can be utterly exhausting and debilitating at times— however, it’s one of the most important things you can do for your well-being.

It’s important to maintain the principle of “keeping it simple” when you begin your healing journey, to avoid overwhelm, frustration or the desire to give up entirely. With that in mind, here are five simple but necessary steps for healing:

Not So Simple Steps to Healing from Emotional Trauma and how to help others.

1. Be Willing to Heal

The desire to feel better can be your best ally on the road to recovery. Don’t give in to the ego, which will try to tell you there’s something wrong with you: there’s nothing wrong with you. The reactions you experience because of trauma are only responses— they are not who you are.

2. Accept Support from Loved Ones

When healing from emotional trauma, it’s important to connect with others regularly and avoid isolating yourself. It takes a village to raise a child, but it also takes a village to heal a person. Surrounding yourself with those who support, love and respect you will be invaluable on your path to healing.

3. Seek the Assistance of Trained Professionals

You may wish to attend individual or group therapy, seek out expert opinions and receive the help of someone trained in the field of emotional trauma, who you feel comfortable with and trust. Treatments may focus on education, stress management techniques, the release of body memories, and suppressed emotions that are causing physical and psychological pain.

4. Practice Meditation and Mindfulness

Meditation helps quiet the chatter of the mind, to allow you to experience wisdom, acceptance and a new appreciation for life. Emotional trauma gets stored inside the body, so in addition to therapy sessions, the body greatly benefits from entering thoughtless moments and having mindfulness practice.

5. Incorporate Movement into Your Daily Routine

Yoga and other forms of physical activity release endorphins, and make you feel safe and stable. It’s vital to ensure you regularly engage in physical activity to help create positive feelings which have been torn down from emotional trauma. 

It may be hard to believe this now, but you must remember the heart does heal. Love yourself enough to believe that you deserve refuge from pain and suffering. With faith and willingness to take the right steps, you’ll experience new levels of joy, appreciation, and vitality once you’ve healed.

“If you are to free your heart, you must embrace your painful feelings, have faith that your thoughts will arise and cease of their accord.  They will pass if you can face them head on, with kind eyes.  Your thoughts and feelings will dissolve if you don’t try to hold on to them or push them away.  Thinking will dissipate.  Trust in this universal law of change.”

Working with a Counsellor: Exploring meaning of your trauma:

When you work with a counsellor you might want to ask yourself these kinds of questions. Here is a list of questions that I could ask during our session.

• What do you wish I knew?

• What did you value most about your life before the trauma? What do you value now?

• Tell me what influence did the trauma have on your identity and sense of well being?

• What do you need now?

• How can I support you?

• What next?

Tasks towards healing: Conversations with yourself:

1. Self care: How am I doing and living self -care

2. Time: Am I both giving myself time and taking the time to let healing happen

3. Facing the pain: This is tough to do but if we actually look at what is causing us pain, the pain dissipates.

4. Rituals and remembering: How are you honouring your own story and not dismissing your experience as less important than someone else’s.

5. Connections: Are you connecting with other people and developing healthy relationships and friendships

6. Becoming your own expert: Listen to yourself and respect your own expertise in your life and experiences

7. Sit with you: Wait, sit in silence if you can for at least 15 minutes each day

8. Creating a new normal: What do you want your now to be like and what do you need your future to be.

9. PRACTICE: Every day just practice living and being in the present.

Being in a relationship with someone who is has experienced trauma

My thoughts on trauma include being a caregiver for someone who is experiencing trauma differently than you are. Here are a few tips and tools on how to witness and honour your partner even if their trauma is affecting how you relate

• Sit with people in a non judgmental way

• Know that your person is in pain, physically as well as emotionally.

• It is OK to be uncomfortable in your own sense of powerlessness and not knowing.

• Touch your person but you can ask if it is ok first.

• What does their grief look like? For some it might be a frenzy of activity, for others it will be anger, for yet others it can be immobilizing.

• DO NOT hold another person’s reactions to trauma: You can witness but its not yours to solve.

Strategies for dealing with grief and trauma involves some emotional intelligence

• Identify and interpret your own emotions – trust yourself

• Sit with strong emotion

• Moving past

• What symbols give you meaning, pictures, smells, taste, sense of touch can give you grounding

• Where, when and with who do you feel safe.

• The very nature of loss creates a sense of disconnection. As a result connections and supports are key aspects in walking through grief.

Draw a life line

• Draw a line across the page

• Label one side 0 and the far side your current age

• Place your joys and losses in sequence

• Joys at top part of page and losses at the bottom half.

• You could include drawings or important words

0_________________________________________________________________current age

My end message is this trauma begins to heal when we acknowledge, witness, honour our experiences with it.

Thanks for reading : Deborah Bryson

“There is no timestamp on trauma. There isn’t a formula that you can insert yourself into to get from horror to healed. Be patient. Take up space. Let your journey be the balm.” – Dawn Serra