Micro-Habits = Emotional Growth and Behaviour Change

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My work with clients is about emotional growth and behaviour change.   Just lately I have been thinking about how we achieve progress towards humanity and wisdom. How do you make change when every single thing feels overwhelming? That feeling  of being overwhelmed by depression, anxiety or  fear is often what brings people in to see me.

When people experience depression or anxiety every single thing can feel harder to do than it used to.  I ask people to imagine that they are climbing up a steep hill with a 200 lb backpack.  That backpack holds the weight of their problems.  Wearing such a heavy backpack we might be able to take a few steps but it will feel difficult.  Eventually the weight would become too heavy and we would have to put it down and stop and rest.  In order to keep on climbing the hill we would have to take everything out of the backpack and make some decisions about shifting our load.  By the time people seek my help they have often been carrying that heavy weight for many years.

I might ask you to back up from looking for big solutions (which can be frustrating for you as client) and look for small things that you can do now.  I am inviting you into a space where you start to think about what you can do rather than what you should do

That led me to think about micro-habits rather than setting big goals that feel overwhelming

Breakthroughs don’t change your life. Micro habits do.

Benjamin Hardy compares this concept to compounding interest, and how, given the choice, most people would take $1,000,000 in their bank account right now as opposed to a penny that doubles in value over the course of the month.

What most people don’t realize is that those who take the big payout end up with significantly less money than those who opt for the cent per day. He explains: “The doubling penny actually ends up being $10.7 million dollars. Yet, the majority of the growth happens at the very end, and most people aren’t patient enough for the big return. The live for the moment culture of today stops people from investing.”

The point is that if you want to have a completely different life in a year or two, you need to start now, and you need to start small. Here, are some micro habits you can begin tonight.

 Try to be rejected more. 

Every day, reach out to one or two people who you’d like to know, even if you are certain they would have no reason to respond. You have nothing to lose, but potentially a lot to gain.

Write one paragraph.

Whether you have a book you’ve always dreamt of authoring, a business plan that’s been in the back of your mind for a while, or even just a blog you want to start, write just a few sentences each day. The momentum will build on its own and you’ll find yourself effortlessly writing more and more… but commit to just beginning with one paragraph.

 Get used to hard work, taking small steps and generally slogging.

Inspirational sayings lead us to believe that living your best life is like running a victory lap every day. In reality, it is more like being willing to tend to the unglamorous maintenance of things, like chores, cleaning, healthy cooking, and staying current on bills and work assignments, or making time for exercise.

The quality of your life will be directly and drastically improved if you can incorporate necessary maintenance into your daily routine, and learn to see it as something that helps you rather than hinders you from having a great time.

 Choose comfort for your future self over comfort right now. 

If you want to change your life, you need to start considering the needs and wants of your future self over the ones you have right now. Prioritizing how you feel and what you want in the moment is what lead you here. Instead, commit to making choices for the benefit of your future self. The idea that “being present” means disregarding anything but your most base instincts and desires is not enlightenment, it is self-destruction.

Be less reactive.

When you see or hear something that immediately upsets you (even if it’s just a negative thought that creeps in) before reacting to it and pouring your energy into it, question it. Figure out where it came from, and ask yourself whom your reaction to it would serve. Learning to take that micro-pause between a stimulus and your response will change the way you look at everything.

 Fulfill your basic needs.

You are not a machine, but in some ways, your body and life does require that you fuel it in certain ways to keep it running. Eat when you are hungry. Sleep when you are tired. Trying to deny the importance of your most basic requirements for functioning does not mean you are busy and important, it means you setting yourself up for a breakdown or burnout.

 Curate your sphere of influence.

You know that the people you spend the most time with have a significant impact on which you will become.

But do you also realize that what you are surrounding yourself with and putting into your head is having just as much, if not even more, of an effect on you? Take a serious look at who you follow online and what their presence on your news feed does for you, or perhaps how cluttered your home or office space is. This is your environment, and it is having a silent, and often subconscious, impact on you at all times.

 Take action when you want to do something.

In Mel Robin’s The 5 Second Rule, the author says that a lot of what holds people back is those few seconds between when you have an amazing idea, and when your brain interferes.  In order to move your life forward you need to be able to act on those brilliant, kind and generous actions you need to act before you convince yourself not to act at all.

 Read more.

If you aren’t someone who can get through a book, that’s okay. But it’s not an excuse to stop learning, growing and developing yourself. Follow people on social media that post or share interesting articles and ideas. Read a news story in the morning. Listen to an audio book on your commute. How much you read is directly related to your self-growth, and your self-growth is directly related to your external success.

Scroll less.

Spend less time on the internet, Face book, Twitter, Tik Tok, and Instragram and so on. Whereas sifting through TV channels was once the mindless past time of years past, now it’s scrolling social media. Train yourself to limit your ‘scroll’ time each day.

 Observe your patterns.

Instead of being critical of yourself when you notice that you’re procrastinating, or engaging in an unhealthy behaviour, notice what prompts it. Notice what you’re doing when you feel most at ease, most inspired, or most frustrated. Observe yourself as a third party; treat your life like something you are studying. Get to know what you react to and how — this can help you rewrite your script and subsequently  direct your own life.

Practice saying “no.”

Your energy is limited each day. Make sure it is only going toward that you truly care about. You should not feel bad about saying “no” to some things. It is ultimately a means of self-preservation.

 Practice diverting your attention.

When you have a self-defeating thought, the solution isn’t usually to mull on it until you arrive at a different conclusion. The solution is usually to distract yourself with something productive. Get better at diverting your attention to something that helps you, not negative thoughts that can lead to a spiral.

Share your ideas consistently and clearly.

Having ideas is great, but they won’t go anywhere if you aren’t able to articulate them, or come up with an action plan that allows you to implement them.

 Use what you have.

The next time you have the urge to go pick up dinner or a new outfit for the weekend, challenge yourself just once to wear what’s in your closet, or eat what’s in your pantry, even if you don’t want to that much.

 Drink one more glass of water.

Don’t worry about pressuring yourself to get all recommended 8 cups down perfectly. Just focus on drinking one more. Then, when that’s part of your routine, add another.

 Eat one less unhealthy snack.

Don’t worry about trying to completely overhaul your diet and perfect every single thing that crosses your lips. Focus only on foregoing one single unhealthy choice that you’d make on any given day. Just one.

Begin each day asking: ‘How can I change my life today?’

Get out of the mindset that you have to ‘get through’ the day and get into the mindset that the coming hours are filled with open-ended potential for you to take action that will change your life forever. The only difference is your willingness to see things differently, and your effort in trying to make them better.

End each day asking: ‘What could I have done differently?’

Evaluation not judgement is the key to emotional growth and behaviour change.

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