We use meditation so that we can clear of minds of clutter so we can connect with others.

Meditation and Mindfulness:

Meditation and mindfulness practices are not the magical cure for the common cold of our lives that presents as stress or increasing distress. What I am seeing more and more often is that counsellors see these two practices as the magic wand to mental well being.

Note: A small disclaimer here.

I meditate every day at least once, but just because mindfulness and meditation is a practice that I enjoy does not mean either will work for you. Meditation does not work for me to relieve anxiety every time either. Yesterday I was anxious about my course and I could not settle until I actually looked at why I was anxious instead of trying to ignore it and meditate the symptoms away; beating heart, shortness of breath, racing thoughts…the whole thing. Addressing the anxiousness and figuring out why I was feeling that way helped but what really helped was actually defying my urge to not attend the book study and joining the book group on Zoom. Taking an action that was challenging helped the symptoms go away. So… doing the thing that I was avoiding was in fact the cure. Anxiety told me to stay away because I did not fully understand what the author was saying in the book. I drank a glass of water, made a cup of tea and participated in the group. It was awesome.

The book by the way was by James Hillman, The Force of Character; And the Lasting Life. A difficult but worthwhile book that it may take me years to fully understand.

My problems with meditation or mindfulness…

What if you don’t want to meditate or what if mindfulness and or meditation don’t work for you. When we see one therapeutic method as ‘the answer’ to every problem, the problem then becomes the counsellor and their solutions.

I have been counselling people for a long time and have seen many different therapeutic practices come in and out of favour. I remember going to a conference where a wise person was presenting their latest research on Change. He said something to the group that has stayed with me and informed my own practice for many years.

‘We can say we practice whatever kind of therapy is the most in style but what we do in our offices may have little to do with the trendiest fad because what we do is connect with our clients. We build a trust relationship with them and we do what they need. ‘ ( this is not an exact quote because my memory might be skewed and it was many years ago.)

Meditation and Mindfulness

Mediation and mindfulness have become catch all practices for people who are experiencing stress in one way or another. The words have come to be interchangeable in modern language, They should not be interchangeable.

It also bothers me when we appropriate a cultural or religious practice for secular use so that it loses the original intent. It also bothers me when as counsellors we all jump on one therapeutic bandwagon as the so called ‘best answer’ for our clients.

What I have learned from my clients.

Many years ago a rather astute client said this to me after I had returned from a training course.

“I hate it when you just get back from a course”

When I asked her why she said something like this:

‘Well normally we just seem to talk and then I feel better and start to change my behaviour and am able to figure out my own stuff, but when you come back from a course you have all these new tricks and techniques that you think you should be using. But what I need is for you to just believe me and believe in me and to listen.’

That is not an exact quote but the gist of what she said is there. What she was telling me that I was using my newly learned techniques or theory as a blunt instrument and applying them not only ineptly but randomly as if they could solve every problem for every person.

When I meet counsellors who say they only do one model of counselling I just nod and smile. The counselling business does not suit one trick ponies. It does suit counsellors who are adept, thoughtful and think about what the client needs from them.

Neither mindfulness or meditation are magic answers. Nor do they claim to be. Appropriating someone else’s religious practice and expecting them to work quickly is doing an injustice to the people who meditate as part of their religious and prayer practice.

Both the practice of meditation and mindfulness are just that, practices. Practice means that we try, evaluate, learn, wait and try again then evaluate again. Practice involves learning, trying and then more evaluation. It’s a process folks.

But even then, these skills do not work for every client and that is ok.

We are using mediation and mindfulness as an easy answer for all that is uncomfortable. If we are anxious, meditate, if we are sad mediate, if we are angry meditate. If we are unhappy with the state of the world meditate.

The original purpose of meditation as a spiritual and religious practice is empty the mind of self so that we can live in reality and connect with others. If you don’t want to or can’t meditate its because you are not mindful. I have to say, ‘Oh for goodness sake people.’ When we only have one tool it seems that it might be the only solution we offer our clients. However…I think when your counsellor only has on tool and it does not work for you it can lead to blaming the victim mentality.

I found this great little video that critiques our western use of a religious tradition. The second half of the video is especially pertinent to my discussion.

Mindfulness: Is it deep or dumb

Blaming the victim thinking can range from subtle to open messages and I have come to think that offering up mindfulness or mediation as the only solution to people who are living in distress, negates the intensity of what that other human being is experiencing so therefore is a form of blaming the victim. If meditation does not work for you or you just don’t want to practice meditation, don’t and that is your decision.

The purpose then of meditation according to Buddha is to live in reality rather than withdraw from the world and its harshness.

Teach this triple truth to all: A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity. BUDDHA,

Mindfulness: can be a powerful tool

To my understanding mindfulness is a process to live in the now. That does not mean we don’t plan, critique or analyze. It means we pay attention not only to self but to others and to the world around us. Mindfulness asks us to pay attention to our senses: taste, touch, smell, seeing and hearing. It invites us to pay attention to our internal responses to external factors.

For example; ; A few weeks ago, my grandson asked me a serious question about imagination, his timing was not convenient for me, I was making dinner, but the seriousness of his tone made me put dinner on hold so we could have a conversation about his question. After our discussion I went back to my task with a sense of wonder at my brief glimpse into his thought process. If I had not stopped my important task of making dinner, I would have missed this incredible opportunity to explore a 9 year old boys sense of wonder and discovery of the world around him. How lucky I am to get to be his grandmother. I think though of all the times I was not present for another person because of my sense of duty to the mundane daily tasks that keep us occupied.

Understanding of Self invites a myriad of tools

My point in today’s rant is this, we need many tools, many experiences and a rich variety of interactions with other people to become healthy and well balanced as productive contributors to society.

Not every therapeutic technique works every time and that is just fine. Too much self analysis is not a good thing. We need to extend out to others in order to find our sense of self.

Next week I will write a bit more about meditation and why it is a useful tool for your toolkit that can be full of variety of experiences that make you feel better when you are in distress.

My toolkit definitely includes a cup of herbal tea and sharing sunsets with friends.

Thank you for reading my thoughts today.

Deborah

Understanding of self is not all that you need.