There is an old song called ‘Wishin and Hopin’ by Dusty Springfield and a much newer song by Drake called God’s Plan.

Both songs talk about wishing that life could be slightly different than it is. That led me to think about acceptance of what is rather than what life owes us.

I have been thinking about this for awhile so thought I could write down my thoughts about how we both resist then internalize new reality in our identity and consciousness.

Many years ago I read, in a book, that I thought was too new age for me,  that the first step before we can accept our new reality is to admit that ‘it’ whatever ‘it’ is, has actually happened.  The example in the book was quite personal to the writer but she had spent many years trying to hold her world together by denying that what she knew to be true.  When she admitted the truth of her life, she was able to move forward  and begin to make the changes that she needed. Change and growth begin within self.

As an observer of life I often thought that my life was a lucky life and that I was born under a lucky star.  So… I believed that although bad things happened to others they could never really happen to me.  I thought that somehow I was immune to loss.  I thought that even as I encountered life’s challenges it was not real and that I could externalize my experiences, feelings and somehow use those life lessons to my advantage. I was wrong and denial and stoicism were not my friends.

                   “Your willingness to look at your darkness is what empowers you to change.” Iyanla Vanzant

Part of the real wonder of living is that our lives are changeable. We need to accept that we do not have control over so many of life’s experiences.  I asked a rather insightful young woman a few weeks ago to make a list of things she could control and she did come up with a rather brilliant list.  I thought it was a great homework assignment for her but after she read me her list I began to think that it might be a good thing for all of us.

Of course, life will bring many challenges and it’s not easy to embrace them when we’re suffering and wishing that changes did not come about. But if we start cultivating acceptance in our lives right now, we will likely cope with future crises in a different way and view them from a different perspective. We will accept life as it presents itself. During the last months of my life I am learning about the power of acceptance. Acceptance is a conscious choice—a hard one, but a choice nonetheless.

There are two ways out of a problem: accept what’s happening, see the positive, and choose peace or fight against it.  I love to use critical thinking and logic but over the last number of months I have found that trying to understand the why is not part of my growth as a human.  It is certainly not part of my acceptance and it is my ego demanding the correct answers.

Whether it’s a family loss, job loss, or a sudden change in your plans, being able to accept things that are out of your control will help you maintain inner peace and happiness.

Acceptance, in my opinion, is the key to convert momentary happiness to enduring happiness. It helps you move from feeling happy to actually being happy.

Practicing acceptance prepares you to live in this changing world, where you never know what’s going to happen next. Acceptance is like protecting yourself with your own shield.

Let me clarify that acceptance is not at all related to lack of character or giving in , and is definitely not the same as compliance or mediocrity. We need to learn how to identify when it’s time to persist and when it’s time to accept. That’s when we get to ask ourselves questions about control and what life lessons are we learning, perhaps for the 10th time. Finding purpose in difficult life circumstances will help us seek our meaning and accept self. I know it’s hard to practice acceptance when you deeply wish things were different. But the truth is, sometimes we can’t change our reality, even if we try. So instead of staring at the closed door in front of us, or getting tired and bruised while we try to break it down, let’s turn around and see how many other windows we have open.

I’m talking about the ability to accept things that can’t be changed, to be okay with what was in the past and let it be, to accept uncertainty.

In this way can you actually let go of; grief, fear, doubt, assumptions, our ego, pride, disappointment and guilt  in order to let in; freedom, beauty, inspiration, opportunity, peace, and joy. Living in this moment is just fine.

That’s the real definition of acceptance that allows us to stop wishing and hoping.

“Lives fall apart when they need to be rebuilt.”
― Iyanla Vanzant, Peace from Broken Pieces: How to Get Through What You’re Going Through

P.S. None of this is easy and it is a process, we take two steps forward and one back, but acceptance does mean we are moving forward.