What Clients Teach Me
the blog
“Treat other people like they are a gift in your life and be fascinated with them”
Two blogs ago, I wrote about Gaslighting at the request of a reader. This week I got an email with a request from a different reader. This is the email in its entirety:
“I wrote down a paraphrased quote you could write a whole article about.
Treat other people like they are a gift in your life and be fascinated with them.
I have been trying to do this for the past while, it creates an open mind for me that’s for sure.”
GASLIGHTING
Someone I love asked me to write about gaslighting, so I will. Gaslighting, I think, is a defensive or offensive action depending on the intended outcome of the person who is doing the gaslighting. The perpetrator or the person who is gaslighting as an offensive action can be doing it as a form of control over another human being. The person who uses gaslighting as a defensive action is usually trying to hide some aspect of themselves or their behaviour from their partner or themselves. But again both rationales for gaslighting are to control the reality of another person.
FORGIVENESS
Forgiveness does not mean that you ever say that abuse, violence or unlawful actions are acceptable. Nor do you have to have a relationship with the other person who has harmed you. Forgiveness also does not mean that you wipe your mind clear of the actions or words that harmed you. As individuals, we need to have some sense of control over our actions and decisions and forgiveness is an especially important part of our sense of control.
The People I did not think about today
Today is Father’s Day and of course, I thought about my sons who have both chosen to become fathers. I thought about my father, my stepfather, my father-in-law, my brothers, my brothers-in-law and my ex-husband. I thought about all of those men whom I have known and loved who chose to become fathers.
Meditation and Mindfulness
I think that along with mindfulness and meditation there is an assumption that by living in the present moment we really SHOULD dismiss the past and not FOCUS on the future. I think that assumption that I have certainly made is incorrect.
Perspective and Behaviour Change
This week I thought it would be nice to talk about perspective and behaviour change.
Aging: Assumption Versus Reality
Today’s blog is about aging, gracefully or not.
Aging is not necessarily a graceful process. This blog is about the unexpected and expected changes that happen to our physical, cultural, social, familial and mental health as we age.
Today’s essay is my reflections on what I learned from my clients but also what I continue to learn about myself as I age. For many of us, aging includes an examination of life, well-lived or not, paying respect to our past which leads to a deeper spiritual understanding of our existence. Aging is about loss, new freedoms as well as spiritual growth.
Understanding of self is not all that you need.
There is more to mindfulness and meditation than focusing on self. When we do it the way it was meant to be it can connect us more deeply to the world around us but it is not a miracle cure for whatever ails you. It can however be a useful tool in our toolbox that can lead us to wellness.
Each of us is perfect as we are - and we all need improvement.
In this blog I look at human growth. My intention is to get rid of thinking that this is the year we will become our perfect selves. It is ok for us to be messy, impfect and human. Enjoy 2022.
Loneliness- An Epidemic We Can Change
If you took all of the lonely people in any given town and put them in one room I suspect it would be a very crowded room. Covid has made that more evident than it has been in the past but lonely people have always been with us.
There is s whole segment of the population that feel isolated, alone and who the rest of us seem to forget. Oh when we meet a person who lives with loneliness we are often happy enough to see them, we may engage them in conversation but then we pass on and the lonely person goes on their way to the outer perimeters of our lives.
How do you know you are Ready to see a counsellor?
A little think as a counsellor
I don’t often have no shows or late cancellations and today I had a client not show up for the second time in a row. Since that does not often happen, I had to sit down and have a little think about why the client made this decision after saying they wanted to come for counselling with me.
Cognitive Kindness
I have been practicing thinking kindly . What I did to start was think about someone I know and wonder in a non-judgmental way about their life. I know the outside stuff of many people’s lives and I may even know some of their struggles but it is a constant practice to remember those struggles and their perspective when I am interacting with them.
Friendship
What is friendship exactly:
Friendships are a form of chosen interdependency and volunteer participation. That sentence makes friendship sound pretty calculated and simple but good friendships require history, admiration, respect, commonality, trust and support. Friends are people we can laugh with, cry with and with whom we can be honest.
